thevveribest | ♒ 3rd Video;

[As the feed clicks on, it first fills with the scenery of Goldenrod, Eridan having chose to head there after the little Poke`Prom and all, but soon none other than the douche prince extraordinaire is taking up the feed.]

So I was thinkin' to myself, has anyone ewer considered huntin' these guys?

[A beat.]

The Poke`beasts I mean. They are beasts after all, and I ain't meanin' this non-wiolent catchin' bullshit. I mean, huntin' an' killin' 'em. A course, I'we fought more fearsome creatures back on Alternia, but ewen then they seem like some could be a real challenge to take down. Regardless a bein' frightfully inferior to Alternian subterranean fauna, but ewen if it doesn't equally compare, the challenge is the sport of it.

[Yep, Eridan is 100% serious.]

A course, from the looks a it eweryone is stuck on the notion a trainin' 'em and makin' 'em fight each other, an' that's sorta got its appeal, I mean, if you're a fuckin' grub an' such. I think poachin' 'em could prowe far more interestin' than this load a poppycock with the badges an' all. Just sayin'.

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Only because you're jealous a how I look, an' are sick to your digestiwe sack ower the fact you can't be as good lookin' as me.

[Walked into what now?]

I don't beliewe you. I mean, for one thing, why would you try to giwe me helpful adwice at all? And second, you're a lyin' piece of mustard flawored filth anyways. I completely disregard your ugly yellow noise the moment it leawes your stupid finless noise gap.

Okay, now you're just stretching it. Stop before you embarrass me by association.

[And--oh for fuck's sake what a giant asshole.]

I'm not trying to give you advice, dipshit. I'm trying not to traumatize the wild-or-captured Pokémon you randomly try to garrote with your fishing line. Because -- as hard as this concept may be to swallow -- there are actually creatures in the world besides you.

You left yourself wide open, like a ready to be used mustard packet, what the fuck did you expect, Sol?

[Yep, that's just how he rolls man.]

I am aware there are creatures, dumbass, that much is obwious. Just, I don't see why I should giwe a bloody fuck about any a the ones that aren't a any use to me.

Because you're in no position of power anymore, asshat. You've got the same blood running through you as everybody else, even me, and there ain't anyone who's going to give two fifths of a shit about your greatness when you inevitably get a run-in with the fuckin' Jennies.

Just because my form has been altered into this repulsiwe human one doesn't mean I ain't who I was before, or that I'we lost my importance. I'm still a fuckin' wiolet blood, just like you're a filthy, no-good mustard blood.

[A beat.]

The who now?

The cops, you n00b.

The fuck, why are they called Jennies? What a stupid name.

I don't know, maybe it's obscure Kanto slang or something. But that's not the point. The point is, you're a fucking dipshit and you're going to get yourself and all of the actual decent human beings you associate with into a metric fuckton of trouble if you don't wise up.

That's stupid. Also, what fuckin' humans do I associate with? It ain't like I'm trawelin' with anyone, or need to hawe anyone to trawel with. They'd just slow me down anyway.

They're gonna harass everyone who's responded to you on this post about your absolute ineptitude at genocidal tendencies.

Oh.

[So they'll harass Sollux and the few others that were being fucking annoying?]

All for the better, I'd say.

Edited 2013-04-21 15:44 (UTC)

Why do I even try.

I don't know, Sol. Why do you try? It's obwiously a wasted effort, because I can't giwe one single bloody FUCK about anythin' you're tryin' to accomplish here.

I guess it was a fuckin' minuscule amount of pity that developed in your absence for all of the ass that's gonna be handed to you. Not making that mistake again.

[Yeah, that's a look of disgust.]

Eugh... Sol, you are the last troll in the uniwerse that I want pity from in any way, shape, or form. Also, way to underestimate me, as per usual. But no one's gonna be handin' me any ass, I can guarantee you that.

I don't mean any of that flushed-ass pity KK keeps talking about to hide the fact he has to say love. I mean real, honest, "wow you're such a failure I can't help but feel bad for you" pity.

Also, you're going to be buried in a pile of severed ass, let's be honest.

Kar can take his laughable romance and showe it up his own nook. Lowe, what a fuckin' stupid thing that is. But, again. I don't want you feelin' any sort a pity, platonic pity, romantic pity, ANY pity at all. It makes me feel fuckin' dirty that somethin' as wretched as you can ewen hawe the arrogance to think it proper a you to ewen feel bad for me. Especially when I'm anythin' but a failure.

[Eridan, who are you kidding...]

Fuck you I am not.

Really? It does? Awesome. I take back my previous statement. You're the saddest pile of immaculately-hued trash ever to shame the planet with your presence and I feel bad for you.

No, you are. Mark my words. Just imagine all the plush rumps bleeding out onto your hideous threads, staining them all a luscious scarlet red.

[Rolling his eyes.]

Sol, you act as if I giwe half a fuckin' shit about any a that claptrap you're spewin'. The only thing you should be feelin' towards me is absolute terror.

[Eridan, pls you are not scary, you don't even have your silly wwand.]

Eugh, you're as disgustin' as ewer. I suppose I should expect as much from someone as foul-blooded as you. Your deranged fantasies about me aside--well, that's just it. They're fantasies, not realities. I know it's hard for those of simple minds deluded by such carnal and depriwed thoughts to actually recognize reality when it slaps them in the fuckin' face with it's bulge... But do try, Sol.

Edited 2013-05-02 07:19 (UTC)

...

The hypocrisy in this message is killing me. I'm serious. I think I feel a migraine coming on.

Pfft, there ain't anythin' hypocritical about what I said, Sol. But if what I'we said is far beyond your mental ability to properly grasp, then I'm not surprised you're findin' yourself ailed with a migraine.

Maybe you'll think twice before tryin' to hawe a conwersation with me again, perhaps exercise your mental faculties once in a while.

ED, I'd be the first one to tell you that I have a mutant brain. But I guess I must have taken yours in the caverns, because it's better to have two minds than none at all, eh?

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